Is Your Quest For Personal Improvement Doomed By What You Want? See Here . . .
It’s Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Nerd #2.
Have you ever told yourself that you suck at something?
I have. And I had a friend of mine the other night call and tell me that he’d just gotten the shit kicked out of him playing poker and that he couldn’t win anymore.
This, on the back of him stomping some serious ass at the poker table during the previous month and for years prior to that.
I told him that he’s got a shit story he’s telling himself that opens up the window for bad beats to come to him (bad beats are when cards turn up in a hand that have the lowest odds of turning up which lead to the heavily favored hand being outdone by the least favored).
But it’s hard for him to get over his story. Especially in something like poker that’s got mathematical equations tied to it based on how many cards in the deck there are, how many players there are, how much money on the table there, blah, blah, fucking blah.
There’s still a shit story floating around there that’s causing him to say “I can’t win anymore.”
A story, that I believe revolves around, “I’m not lucky. I’m smarter
than everyone here and I make the right plays but I’m not the lucky guy and when I lose it’s always a bad beat to the lucky guy. FUCK THE COCK SUCKER LUCKY MOTHER FUCKER!!!”
What if my friend told himself a different story?
What if he didn’t give a shit whether he won or lost and told himself a story that said . . .
“As usual, whenever I sit at the table I have a care free, indifferent, and light spirit. My chest is open and I breathe to my balls with ease and I’m reading people with ease and trusting myself to make the right calls on every hand. And as usual, I’m leaving with at least 100% more money off the table than I put in and many times more than that all from a few hours of play and I get lucky more than the average bear. I meet at least one cool person every time I play and have a great fucking time and have ended up making great friends as a result of my getting out of the house.”
My question is, “WHO LOSES IF THIS STORY DOESN’T COME TRUE?” Answer: No one. But who loses if his existing story comes true? Answer: Him and anyone else who’s affected by a depression slump he goes into when he beats himself up.
The key is to not be attached to whether it becomes reality or not.
Why Indifference Is The Difference That Makes The Difference
A worthy goal to pursue for me is not caring about the outcome of anything and being okay with whatever happens as a result of me taking action that demands the best within me and asks me to push against my fear based tendencies.
So if I go to Starbucks and start talking to woman when I usually would just stare at the floor, I want to be happy whether I end up talking to her again or not.
If I go against the perfectionist in me and publish a post even though part of me thinks it’s a piece of shit, I want to be okay with it being received as a smashing success or a turd that sinks.
And if I ask someone to do an affiliate promotion with me, I want to be fine with whatever their answer is.
You give meaning to everything that happens in your life. The meanings you give are nothing but patchwork quilts of what’s been uploaded into you by your family, your friends, TV and it’s all fake. None of it’s real.
What you obsess about is not that important. It’s only important to the extent that you make it important. And it’s easier for someone experiencing massive success to say this than it is for the person getting their head handed to ‘em on a stick.
But there’s always another level. Especially when you succeed.
This is why it’s important to overcome your attachment to the outcome. Every level of success you reach will afford you a new opportunity to whine and make excuses and resist the obstacles that will never stop showing up. Never.
This is why it’s a good idea to never take yourself too seriously. Especially when you’ve had a success or when you’ve fallen flat on your face.
John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach of the UCLA Bruins was fond of expressing this belief to his players by telling them, “I hope that when someone sees you after a game, they wouldn’t be able to tell by your demeanor whether your team had won or lost.”
He preached to his student athletes that they should walk proud if they worked to their best of their abilities to implement what they learned in practice. If they did this, they could feel like a winner regardless of what the score board read.
Well if you don’t care about winning or losing, why not just sit on your ass and do nothing?
Because the minute you do become detached from the outcome and take right action is when all the things you would like to have happen, will happen because you’re not worried about the outcome.
You can have whatever you’re willing to give up.
Think about how when you’re desperate for something, you don’t get it and how when you don’t give a shit whether it comes or not, it just drops into your lap. I know you’ve had some moment in your life where you didn’t care about the outcome and either the women, money, food, gifts, etc. all just flowed your way.
People unconsciously reward people who don’t care and take action. Caring about the outcome is stopping you from having what you want.
Fretting over what you’re going to get is going to slow down or stop what you want from coming your way which then, if you don’t cultivate indifference, is what opens the flood gates to feelings of shame, guilt, and anger.
When you obsess about wanting something you don’t have and you wonder why you never get it, it’s because you’re in that never ending cycle.
Most people have never really experienced nor even thought about what it’d be like to have what they want. They’ve never had it so they only live from, “I want it. I don’t have it. I’m angry that I don’t have it. Why can’t I have it? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with society?”
This thinking leads you to come up with your story of why you can’t have what you want and you live in this place your whole life. And when you think of it on this level, you can now see why the majority of people go through life miserable, pissed off, eking out lives of quiet desperation.
You’re in the minority just by reading this. You put into practice what you read below and you’ll be one of the “Lucky” people the majority of people wishes they could to be like.
How To Radiate a More Attractive, Carefree, and Light Spirit Right Now…
Don’t believe anything too much. Criticism or praise. Failure or Success.
If you adopt the mantra below for yourself I guarantee you’ll be able to stay centered, resourceful and cool even in the midst of the worst of storms . . .
I seek synthesis. I seek synthesis. I seek synthesis.
Instead of reverting to the default part of yourself that automatically disagrees with people and finds the worst in the situation and sets out to make the other person wrong, or yourself wrong, which is nothing but our childish desire to seek significance, control, or security, you want to stop and ask yourself . . .
“What part of what they’re saying is new, intriguing, different? How is this a new paradigm shift for me and how can I fuse this with what I’m already attached to, synthesize it and bring value to both of us? How can I elevate this situation?”
“I knew that.” and “I disagree.” are the two prison cells that keep both your ability to evolve trapped in a juvenile existence.
How Attached To Your Stories Are You?
Tony Robbins was having a conversation with one of the co-creators of NLP, John Grinder and John told him . . .
“Tony, never believe anything too much because they’ll always be a situation where it’s not true.”
Never believe anything too much because they’ll always be a situation where it’s not true. Never believe anything too much.
Eben Pagan’s personal rule of thumb is that he never really wants to believe anything more than 50%. I like this. To me, this makes common sense.
50% buy in is the max he wants to push himself to because he hasn’t found anything, any concept, idea, or principle that someone else hasn’t come along and shown him how to transcend and take to the next level with a distinction that helped him understand it even better.
There’s always another level. There’s always another side, no matter how thin you slice it. Never believe anything too much.
When you lose your attachment to being right about the story that’s keeping you locked down, you get out of your self imposed prison you’ve locked yourself into.
You get to free of all the pity, the rage, and the jealousy you’ve been clinging to your whole life.
This level of thinking is what prompted me to put this idea into my friends head about his poker game. And I’m glad he made me think of this because now I’m sharing it with you and I ask you to not let yourself be chained by any idea or story that can only make you miserable.
Seek synthesis with ideas you’re resisting and fold them into a new story that only has an upside if becomes reality.
Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Note Taking Nerd a.k.a. L. L. Cool Nerd
PS. PS. If you want discover the personal improvement strategies that Tony Robbins laid out specifically for entrepreneurs at his Ultimate Business Seminar (Eben Pagan spoke here too), you definitely want to click here and put your hands all over these notes now . . .